It’s okay to cry

I see it plastered all over pinterest. ‘Don’t cry for the one who didn’t give you there time.’  ‘Don’t cry for the one who killed your smile.’ It may sound like “Yeah! I don’t need so and so.”  I’ll prove I don’t need them, I’ll prove they didn’t hurt me. But that most likely is a lie friend. I’m going to guess they did hurt you. And its okay to say that hurt. Trying to be the strong one, doesn’t work. It will actually hinder you from being fully connected to love.

It’s time we start telling ourselves the truth. Because chances are…IT HURT, really bad. Like screaming into a pillow WHY, Why not me? Why did she say that?? as tears spill out soaking our pillow. Heartache whether it be in friendship or a relationship has a way of catching us without warning, leaving us crumbling to the ground in agony wondering when will this pain pass? It seems like too much to carry. Despair knocking at your door.

We are left wondering how was someone able to hurt me so badly? The physical ache is so intense. They were able to hurt you because you dared to let someone in. Which is beautiful. You allowed yourself to be seen and known. You choose to either take your walls down, or to not build any walls while they were around. And then somewhere along the road something happened to and they decided that your friendship/relationship was no longer something they wanted to fight for. For whatever reason. That reason honestly doesn’t matter all that much at the end of the day.

What does matter is your reaction, and how you treat yourself after their decision. 

Remember friend, there approval or disapproval of you was never the determining factor as to whether you’re worthy of love, of friendship. Never. Them saying no to you was not a no from every person. It was not your only shot, it was not your only chance. You did not miss your one opportunity. You’re not that powerful friend. God is the God of second chances. He can redeem time in ways man can never comprehend.

I believe heartache is an invitation to dive in deeper into discovering who we are and who God is.

We are given the chance to allow God into the most broken places in our heart. Daring to believe that He is not like man, that He does not lie, that He will not hurt us. Allowing Him to love us back to wholeness. Trusting that even though we have felt hurt, betrayed, and lied to. He will not do those same things to us. Instead He will only go as far as we allow Him in our hearts and He will tenderly address what needs to be taken out in our hearts (anger, bitterness, gossip..) and replace it with grace, patience, long suffering, hope. Allowing God in amidst heartbreak shows that we believe Him to be trustworthy. And He is.

Allow yourself those tears friend. Crying tears does not make you a weak person. It’s quite the opposite it is making a statement that you dare to feel even when it hurts. That is stunningly beautiful. So wherever you are at in your healing journey from past relationships or friendships that have left you wounded know that its always worth it to take the time to see whats inside of you.

You are worth the effort of getting to know yourself. Of being honest with yourself. Trust His leadership as He walks you through the rooms in your heart and shows you all the beauty within you. He has so much more for you. And as you move on, there is no need to shame or dirty that persons name. It does not increase your value any. It actually shows your lack of belief in yourself and what God says over you. Because someone that is confident in themselves understands that someone else worth does not change their own. Someone else successes or failures do not determine their own. If someone else succeeds, that does not diminish your success. Only one persons voice determines your worth. Gods. Why? Because He is the eternal voice. What He says lasts for eternity. Mans opinion is fleeting. So go get in Father Gods arms and let Him heal those wounds. They won’t last forever. Promise. And not only that, you can and will heal from this and end up even better than you were a year ago. How do I know? Because its what He did with me.

So when that ache hits, which it will at some point let those tears out. But don’t stay there. Allow yourself to feel. Ask yourself what you’re feeling. Dare to stop and listen to what your heart is saying. Journal those emotions. They need to be let out. If you try and stifle them down they will eventually come out, but in other ways. If you’re anything like I was, I use to try and tell my heart what to feel. I tried to tell myself I didn’t hurt when truthfully I was gushing blood and attempting to put a bandaid on it. A bandaid is not the right fix for a gushing heart wound. Time, lots of TLC, and grace is necessary. The process of working though heartache (Whether it be a friend leaving you, or even betraying you. Or a significant other choosing to leave the relationship) takes time. There is no way around it.   

And when you see that person, or a picture of them pops up on your newsfeed and it all comes rushing back. You’ll be okay. You’ll get through it. You won’t have to shove those feelings deep down. Acknowledge what you’re feeling, and then just let it go if it doesn’t line up with love. Making room for love to have its perfect way in your heart believing the best about yourself.  You can do this (with Him)