The things they never told me about Motherhood

Going into motherhood I knew I wouldn’t know everything. I knew there would be frustrating days. Exhausting days. Joyful days. Treasured moments…

…What I didn’t realize was how much I would learn about myself.

Since having Isaac I have found myself in situations I never imagined. Both good and bad. In those situations I have found a strength within me that I didn’t know existed. When you have a child there truly is a mama bear, lioness that emerges. No one; nothing, will ever get between you and your child. You want the best for that little human and won’t let anything stop you. Not even yourself.

I remember the first few weeks he was born you would have found me on the floor balling my eyes out wanting the night to end so I could simply get sleep as I rocked him back as this little piranha fed what seemed like 24/7. I was part hysterics because I was exhausted and could barely function. Part mama bear. It was the mama bear that kept me going. It was the ‘no, I will provide for my baby, I will feed him, I will take care of him’ no matter what I am feeling, no matter what I am thinking.

You push past limitations you previously had. You find yourself doing things you never imaged you’d be able to do and think nothing of it.

You find yourself opening up in ways you never imagined. I am pretty sure its impossible to not look at a baby and have your heart melt just a little bit. Its in those moments that I choose to open my heart fully and soak up every second of his little person and who he is that day. I’ve begun verbally saying what I am thankful for about him as a person. Speaking destiny and truth over him daily. Theres something about saying it outloud that almost re-affrims and makes it even more real. I really believe in the power of words. I am a verbal processor so that may be where this comes from.

Its in the moments when he is on my hip. His arm curled around mine and he strokes my hair out of security that I am undone. To be his safe place is the highest honor and the scariest thing you could ask someone to be. To be his all.

He has taught me more about what it means to live than anyone. Each day I take time to just sit back and watch him. I watch him unassisted making choices, decisions by himself. What is it that he does? What does he choose to spend his time with?

He loves deeply. He laughs without care. He throws his body back without fear when he is overcome with joy. His eyes light up like he’s never been hurt.

I wanna be more like him in those moments.