Fearing the future
My greatest fear in the past few years has been fear of the future.
If you have known me over the last ten years you know that is the farthest thing from being “me”. I have always been scheming, dreaming, and trying to invent ways for the impossible to become possible in my life and the lives around me. Always pushing the envelope to make bigger and better things happen. Since I was a kid I was writing out business plans, I was scheming of ways I would spend money as an adult, I was planning out everything I would need in 20 years, I have always thought long term even as a kid in elementary school…I was just created this way. So I guess it makes sense that this would be the very thing that would be ‘attacked’.
Between the deaths in my family, the big transition of moving across the country and starting from scratch with friendships I found myself empty and unsure of how to go about believing and dreaming. I was shell shocked.
Fear had sucked the hope and dreams out of me so to speak. As a visionary, I am fueled by dreams, by visions, by goals. Without those in my sight I am unsure of where to go.
The people who helped build me and had supported all my grandiose ideas were suddenly gone. I was not prepared for such a huge transition in my life. All that was familiar had been stripped away.
The what if’s came like a tidal wave trying to swallow me up. What if I get cancer? What if I die and leave my husband a widower? What if I can’t get pregnant? What if I have a miscarriage? What if I can never become a mother? What if my life never amounts to anything? What if, what if, what if?
I HATE what ifs. They’re lies, They’re presumptions, They’re like a pair of glasses that only show doom and gloom. They are created in fear.
THANK GOD there is something greater than fear.
LOVE.
Love crushes fear if you allow it to seep into all that you are. As I began allowing those around me who loved me to love me I began seeing the veil of fear slowly but surely be taken off my eyes. The fear that once gripped me to do anything now only quietly whispered to me time to time in my weakness. Where I once stood in shock and fear unafraid to move and clung to things that could never heal, or fix the pain deep within my heart and soul I began to let go of it all and begin to trust the process of healing. Love is a powerful thing. Love really can move mountains (thanks celine dion), those mountains of insecurities, of fears…Love has a way of powerfully touching each and everyone of us. The author of love is the one that enables us to be made whole.
Love took ahold of my heart, my mind, my entire being and I allowed myself to feel again. To dream again.
While I still occasionally find myself listening to some stupid fear I am much quicker to set my eyes on what is worthy of my time and energy. Fear certainly is not the thing I set my eyes on.
Psalms 16:8 :
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Phil. 4: 8: Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report, if there be any virtue and if there be any praise, think on these things.
I would love to hear how you can overcome fear and/or what fear you are struggling with.
